he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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