there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
