Will you blow on my dice?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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