I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
