did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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