So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
