At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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