I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
