i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
its not stalking. its research.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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