I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
