mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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