This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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