If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
