i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
