I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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