I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
