Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
