Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
