we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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