Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
