Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
