peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
