My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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