New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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