Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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