It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
