he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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