gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
