I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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