Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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