i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
