Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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