i don't like sucking hair
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
