no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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