Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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