Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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