yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
