Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
