I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
