please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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