he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
