yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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