so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
