I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
