hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize