Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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