dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
