I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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