I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
