we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
