oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
