My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
