sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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