It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
