I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i drank out of a bidet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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