And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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