Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize