There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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