Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
